Physically versus Spiritually Tired

Here's a great quote from Louie Giglio's blog last night:

We are officially wiped...but God has never been intimidated by our weakness, rather He relishes in the opportunity to breathe through weary vessels. And, as though there was ever any question, once a night like tonight is done it is clear that anything of power that was left behind is of God and not of man.

It was the second to last night of their tour (Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio, Matt Redman).

Having been so wiped out this week after the Caregiver Kit project, this quote really hit home. There's a lot in there about being physically tired, but still being willing. I had been feeling weird this week about being so tired out by serving. Shouldn't I have unending energy for serving God if I'm doing it for the right reasons? What about Isaiah 40 ("run and not grow weary"). This quote was a good reminder that of course we're going to get physically tired at times, that's just human weakness. It's a matter of not letting that get in the way of God using you.

Not For the Faint of Heart

So, today was the celebration Sunday for our Caregiver Kit project. 174 kits and counting. It's a pretty big pile of boxes. And exciting when you think of the 174 (at least) people that they will help.

Pretty simple - an exciting day to celebrate the end of a project that has exceeded all my expectations, right?

Not quite so easy. The problems started with a big snowstorm on Friday and the supplies for the boxes didn't come until we were well into the storm. After we got the truck unloaded, it took 2 hours to drive what would take 20 minutes on a clear day. Then I watched and waited to see if the storm would stop before our party to assemble the kits. It did and I dug out my car for a half hour only to find that instead of starting it made a nice clicking sound.

For some reason this threw me into a complete panic that I didn't really recover from all night. Add to that some smelly soap going into the kits and a party that went until pretty late (I was exhausted) and I wasn't in good shape by the time I got home (note, car is still dead at this point).

Overnight I couldn't sleep and whenever I'd snatch a moment of sleep I'd hear nasty things. And they were nasty things that built on the nightmares I've been having for the last couple of days. And the nasty things go something like "If you don't drop this Africa project, you won't be getting any more sleep" and "if you continue with the campus stuff we're going to kill you". Evidently spiritual warfare wasn't working, so we've switched over to spiritual terrorism.

Over the last few weeks I had started having some doubts and wondering if maybe consumerism was really so bad. Wondering if the sacrifices were worth it. Wondering if I was taking things to seriously.

This is not a joke. This is not a test. This is the real deal. This is a war and any weakness will be used. Pretending you can be a half-hearted Christian is a joke. Faith as a spiritual insurance policy is a joke. All this stuff happening is more than a coincidence. I realized this morning that I have to stop letting myself get isolated and just trying to deal with it on my own. This is serious stuff and I have to treat it seriously. I had some friends pray over me this morning. The good news is, I already know I have Victory on my side.

Justice Part I

Since last November I've had justice on my mind. It's taken different forms - the Caregiver Kit project, researching fair trade with my small group, reading whatever I can get my hands on to get a better grasp on how to balance social justice within all that I've been learning on prayer and holiness, and learning more about Africa and the many layered crisis there.

The first book I read was Pete Greig's "Awakening Cry". The book traces the historical patterns of revival and ties it in with what we know of God's character and intent for our relationship with Him. The book was amazing for that, and then I got to the chapter on social justice. I have always had a heart for social justice, but I never really understood exactly why. Greig ties together revival and social justice as inseparable. He says that if you're praying and preparing for revival, you can't separate that from working for social justice. Revolutionary.

I feel like there's a whole library of materials I still need to read. Where to turn next?

My current crisis is just being overwhelmed. The Caregiver Kit project is a nice start to mobilize and educate the church, but it's a really short term project. The more I read about the crisis in Africa, the more overwhelmed I feel. Like this article. How can I read this stuff without screaming? And watching the movie Amazing Grace didn't help much. How did Wilberforce do it? And I'm no Wilberforce. How do you take on the huge issues of our world?

I'm praying for guidance, vision and next steps. I'm also praying for what I'm going to say to my church on Sunday to build on the momentum on the AIDS/Africa issue.

Any advice?

Substance???

In looking over my blog on the weekend I realized I've had very little of substance lately in my blog. I assure you that it doesn't mean I've gone all shallow (I was there to begin with) and have had a couple of good deep conversations lately. However, my thoughts always seem to be in the process of forming and they never seem ready to write down. Also, I seem to have a sinus infection. I'm sure there were a few days of health in between the Great Flu of February and the Sinus Misery of March, but right now I don't remember them. Add to that a healthy dose of "too-much-work-to-do" and you get my life.

A couple of things:

- The Caregiver Kit project is wrapping up this week. Still some details to nail down, but it looks like we'll have lots of kits. We're doing a big celebration on Sunday.

- With the Caregiver Kits project coming to an end (at least part of it), I'm left wondering where the stage 2 vision is. Of course, right now I don't think I'd recognize vision if I tripped over it. Unless of course it came in a box of Kleenex. Then I might find it.

- I've discovered an interesting new blog: http://www.heisatthedoor.com/wordcast/
He tries to be controversial, but there's a lot of good teaching in there.

- I've determined my good humor is dependent on my consumption of sugar. Check back with me after Easter.

- Storkbryt thinks sugar is evil. Ha!

- I have to figure out what to do about vacation this year. Originally I thought I'd go to Seattle, but that seems less likely. Don't know whether to go up to Canada or try for something more exotic. Or, save the money because I'm clearly heading to Africa sooner rather than later.

That should bring things up to date. I'll let you know when I start thinking again.

The Plan (a Continuation of The Project)

So, now I have this great World Vision project idea in my head and can't get rid of it. So I prayed about it some more. Slowly it started taking shape in my head.

I already had a planned meeting with one of the church deacons that week and added the project at the end of the discussion. "Happened" that the deacons were meeting that weekend and would bring it up. That weekend I talked to the pastor (who, by chance is on sabbatical until March) and got his approval. Got the approval of one of the leaders willing to take it under their "umbrella" and got at least passing approval from a member of our African congregation.

And this thing is just over a week old.

Before I leave for Christmas I write a few more emails and contact the World Vision folks to let them know we're doing this. They ask what # of boxes is the goal. Without thinking I write down 100. Don't know why now, but it was definitely 100.

Fast forward to after Christmas. I ask my prayer group to start praying. This is when things start to speed up. I hear back from my friend who's a member of the African congregation and not only are they on board, but they want to be a big part of this happening. He asked what work could be done. This is a huge answer to prayer, since I need help and I also felt I needed visible support of the African congregation. When I talk to the whole African congregation they are very excited and ask me how what my goal of boxes filled for the church is. I'm a little afraid as I admit 100 boxes (which seemed ambitious to me). They laugh and say they will fill 100 boxes and will challenge the church to match that. Keep in mind each box costs about $25, so 100 boxes is a lot of money.

My friend who's an IV leader on campus signs up to bring this to the campus.

I present the plan to my small group. One of my friends in the small group had previously commented that our group should commit in a big way and go for 50 boxes (our group has 12 people). Seems impossible. Group members start signing up and someone comes to this friend and offers a matching donation of up to $500. Um.... wow!

Then I go to visit the youth group. I blogged about this. They are a pretty terrifying lot - about 40 of them and most junior high boys. As I'm talking they're talking, throwing things, eating, etc. Yet, at the end of the night they commit to 40 boxes. The youth leader puts down a $100 bill and tells them it's only their's if they can match it. Then, during the week another $500 matching offer comes in to the youth group.

Seriously??

I'm not even announcing this to the church until February 18th and already we have $1100 in matching funds put up and almost twice my original goal commited.

It's a bit odd to be on such a runaway train. Exciting, but overwhelming. As the days pass since I first realized this was what I had to do I've learned more and more and felt the burden heavier and heavier on my heart. Each and every time there was something I needed and I prayed for it, the answer would be right there. "Coincidences" keep happening that can't just be coincidences. And through it all it's been so obvious that this has nothing at all to do with me. It's been a fun way to learn that lesson.

So, for those of you out there who have read the saga, care to join the runaway train? We still need money for shipping and I'm quite sure the youth group or my small group would be happy to take donations as well. All the money is going through my church, so it's tax deductable. I also really need people praying. Let me know know if you want to do either so I can fill you in with more details.

Something big is happening and I'm just so excited to be a witness to it all.

The Project

If you're a regular reader you know I think a lot of Bono. I've always thought he was interesting, but in the summer of 2004 I read the book Bono In Conversation. I thought I was just going to learn more about the band, but I ended up with a lot more than I bargained for. Finishing the book I couldn't look at Africa the same way again and I couldn't get the AIDS crisis out of my head.

The burning question was, what could one person do about it?

Flash forward to the Perspectives class last year. Got a whole new perspective (no pun intended) on being a global Christian. Still didn't see how this worked in with the other issues I was concerned about. Meantime, I'm reading up on DATA and some other organizations. One of the key things I got out of the course (in regard to social justice issues) is that I'm called to be a mobilizer. Not that I shouldn't do things too, but I'm good at putting things together that will get people to examine what their call might be.

Flash forward to my trip to England and my time at the Northumbria Community. One night at dinner I was sitting with a man named Roy who's involved with End Poverty Now. So, I ask him "what can one person or a small band of people do to make a difference?" So glad I asked. Roy talked about the people in Birmingham who had prayed about how to impact global poverty issues. They received an answer that seemed small in human understanding, but they were faithful in executing it and it led to big impacts. He talked about doing things, that the impact of small things is often much bigger than we know.

So I prayed about it.

In late November I was preparing for Night Watch and my section on World AIDS Day. I was reading through statistics, the latest news and key issues we should be addressing. One of the sites I visited was World Vision. In the midst of lots of great information, cool projects and initiatives I found something small. It was the Caregiver Kits project. Nothing fancy. Won't cure AIDS or change the face of the world.

And I couldn't forget about it. For days. Then a week. Couldn't get to a month because I had to do something about it.

Continued next with The Plan....

Nothing to Fear but Teenagers

Tonight I'm going to talk to the church youth group about the AIDS/Africa project. I can stand in front of hundreds or thousands of people - no problem. 30 middle school boys and I'm paralyzed. Yikes!

I've got the plan. Who knows how much they'll listen to.

Ramping up the Crazy

So, I thought yesterday was the end of the crazy. A couple of new things within the last 24 hours.

I'm definitely going to OneThing. Changed my Christmas plane ticket last night. No going back now. I'm excited about this as a step of faith.

I'm going to be photographing OneThing. I'm pretty excited about this too.

I signed up to be a correspondent for the 24/7 prayer team. Don't know what all this will entail, but it looks like getting assignments, talking with people and writing up stories and testimonies of what God's doing around the world through 24/7 prayer. How hard can that be??

I talked with my church leadership about my plan for an AIDS in Africa project after Christmas, so the wheels are turning there.

2006 has been a year of so much growth and change. Looks like things aren't going to slow down for the holiday season.

Please pray for me. All this is exciting and overwhelming. I need to stop trying to understand how I will get all this done or if I've got the skills to do all of this and just rest on the fact that I'm not doing any of it - God is. I'm just the messenger.

Special Whiplash Edition

Things I've learned in the last 48 hours:

- Never assume you know what's going to happen
- Never cancel a free registration just because you think you aren't going
- Never assume you know what the heck's going on in your life
- Always check your credit card statements carefully, even when there's no activity on them
- Always fasten your seatbelt BEFORE saying that you're excited to see the next adventure God's going to take you on

SERIOUSLY. I feel like my life's been turned upside down in the last week. No, I'm not suddenly married with kids. No, I haven't quit my job (yet). No, I don't have a tattoo (yet). But still, lots of change.

Nothing that major. Just a new project for after Christmas that dropped in my lap pretty much fully formed and ready to go. And a conference that I really wanted to go to, then decided not to go to, and now I might be going to. And a small group that appears to have thrown human logic out the window to follow God.

Have I mentioned that I don't like change? And how much I like routine? And that I like things to be planned well in advance?? Have I mentioned how much more my Mother likes all these things and that all of this will require me uttering the words "there's been a change of plans"?? 'Cuz we all know Santa doesn't come to girls who change the plan.

I'm being sarcastic (hopefully that was obvious). I'm just feeling a little whiplashed as things in my small group change quickly (for the better), friendships change quickly (for the better) and suddenly I'm getting messages from God that have exclamation points at the end of them.

It's certainly a wild and unpredictable ride. Good thing I've recently been reading about Abraham. Makes my ride look a little crazy.

Lifted

Over the last month I've been feeling like I'm stuck under a big rock. Bad things happening. Lots of conflict. Lots of things happening that I didn't understand. On November 16th, I blogged about holding on to promises.

I had a bunch of opportunities this weekend to talk with people and tonight I was walking back to my car from another meeting I realized that the rock is gone. On Friday night a friend who's very sensitive to these thing said that she thought I was "glowing" for the first time since I got back from England.

The interesting thing about this is that during the time when I was "stuck under a rock" I felt like I wasn't learning and I wasn't growing. I didn't understand what was happening or how this could be part of anything good.

The great thing about this weekend was that all of a sudden a whole bunch of things kept coming to me. Plans for things fully formed, like I had pondering them all month. New ideas springing up all over the place.

Turns out that while I was feeling that nothing was happening, a lot was happening. It's been good this weekend to see the results of that. Tonight when I got home I thought of that earlier blog that called upon the promise of Isaiah 40: 31 -

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

All of a sudden I could feel the soaring. I'm excited about these new ideas and new directions that are coming in the new year. It's going to be another big adventure and I have a feeling this last month has been preparing me for that.

World AIDS Day

Last year on World AIDS Day I took a few minutes to look around the DATA site (www.DATA.org) and saw some statistics that blew me out of the water.

In Botswana, 38.8% of the population is HIV infected or has AIDS (here's an interactive map at DATA that lets you look at the percentages in the various countries) . Think about that for a minute. What if 40% of the people around you had AIDS. If you were in an elevator with 2 other people, at least one of them has AIDS. In your family, chances are at least one person has AIDS. And these numbers aren't the result of the success of anti-viral drugs in keeping people alive. The death tolls are outrageous. In Zimbabwe many of the cities have declared their cemetaries full. Not surprising, since they have 3,500 HIV related deaths a week!

It's estimated that there are currently 39.5 million people living with HIV in the world (63% of them in Africa). That number sounded familiar, so I looked some stuff up. Sure enough - that's more than the number of people in Canada.

Obviously, it's a multilayered problem. There are the health issues of treating the patients and providing medication. There are the moral issues of prevention. There are the compassion issues of dealing with the dying. There are the social issues of whole generations of Africans dying.

I'm still struggling with what to do to help. World Vision has a great list of suggestions on their site. I particularly like their project for caregiver kits and am going to try to do something about that in the new year. The One campaign has lots of suggestions as well, including resources for getting churches involved. If you're more shopping minded, check out the RED campaign (and for an added bonus, there's a message from Bono up on their site today).

But the first thing I'm going to do is to pray. Tonight there is a regular prayer gathering in my area and part of the night is set aside for the AIDS crisis in Africa. I think it's where we need to start. To intercede for the people there and for the organizations trying to make a difference. More than that though, to ask God to break our hearts for what breaks His heart. I can't help but think that what's happening in Africa is one of those things.

p.s. Thanks to Bono for bringing this to my attention and to Roy for reminding me that small groups of people can make a difference, especially if what you do is grounded in prayer.