For Fans of Jack Bauer

Some funny things (stolen from Facebook):

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

The State of the Union Address was originally scheduled for Monday night. Jack Bauer made the President change it to Tuesday.

Jack Bauer makes onions cry.

Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

I was kidding....

I was kidding when I said Jack Bauer (24) was the ultimate moral authority. This guy is not:

You don't need to watch "24" as a kind of primer on moral philosophy, but you probably should.

Ethics

Over the last week I've had to do some ethics training at work. This consists of long boring modules of online reading followed by silly quizes. Quizes that they make it shamelessly easy to cheat on.

Anyhow, since my ethics are set by God, not some governing board, I felt free to amuse myself while reading the dry text. Turns out these things are much more interesting if you start keeping tally of ethical violations by Jack Bauer (24), Dr. Gregory House (House) and the gang on Grey's Anatomy. The bad news is that television is probably not the best place to learn ethics. Who knew?

The good news is that tv kept me amused enough to keep me from cheating on the ethics course. I may be the first to do the whole thing legitimately!

Everything I Need to Know I Learned From Jack Bauer

It struck me thinking about 24 that if you watch enough of it (or, say, watch a whole season in 2 weeks) you start thinking like you're in 24. This impacts ethics, risk assessment, etc. A few of these observations:

- If you're called in to work for an emergency, claim you're sick. Seriously, this is Day 6 of poor Jack dealing with this crap.
- If the armies of the world can't handle something, Jack Bauer probably can.
- The armies of the whole USA are less effective than the right tech person back at the office. Especially if her name is Chloe.
- Anything can be hacked. Anything.
- Ethics and morals are all defined by what Jack thinks. If Jack knows someone is a bad guy, he definitely is. Jack always knows the right answer. Everything serves the higher purposes of Jack.
- In case of a nuclear explosion, stare directly into the mushroom cloud and don't move.
- Friends are expendable if they get in the way of an investigation.
- No one is to be trusted.
- Chinese food sucks.
- Bring lots of clothes to work with you. It could be a very long day.
- Wear the right shoes to work - see above.
- President of the United States? Just another guy. Often corrupt or incompetent.
- Speaking in a low gravelly voice can get anything done.
- Don't get too attached to anyone.
- Always carry your PDA and cellphone.
- Anything can be downloaded to your PDA, no matter where you are. (Seriously, what kind of PDA does this man have?)

Since I missed seasons 1-4, I may have missed a few things.

Anything else you can learn from Jack Bauer?