Thursday, June 01, 2006

Jumping To Conclusions

In the comments on my last blog Bry asked what my ultimate conclusion was supposed to be. This got me thinking... what was my point or conclusion?

First of all, I don't think the point of a blog is to publish highly polished essays. To me it's a collection of snapshots of thoughts and occurrences. It's not real journaling (not going to put that online, thank you), but interesting quotes, photos and current soapboxes. If you're looking for something to crib to publish in a magazine, this isn't it. Sometimes things won't have a point. Welcome to my life.

Second of all, one of the things I've started to learn over the last year is that conclusions are highly overrated. All my life I've tied things up in pretty little boxes. Every thought has to have a conclusion - something that is cliché worthy, if possible. Every activity has to have a point. Every friend has to fit into a category. I'm a pretty structured person.

The problem with this is that life isn't that simple or black and white. Sometimes I read a book and I don't know what I think about it. Sometimes I need to ponder it for a while. Sure, I could put together a snap judgment for you if you asked, but it's more interesting to let things float around in my head for a while. Especially when you have a group of interesting friends where you can bounce ideas around for a while and start putting them together.

The second problem with this is that in fitting things into boxes and finding perfect conclusions is that I was often wrong and then had to go back and completely reorganize my little system. Pain in the butt.

I discovered this issue most pointedly in prayer. I had a tendency to have to wrap everything up in perfect little packages for God. As in, here's the problem, here's the solution, and how You can help. Nothing like trying to project manage God! *cough*arrogant*cough*

I'm much more comfortable now in praying about issues and taking time to understand what it is I should be praying for (in terms of the "solution). Usually I don't know the best solution and it's much better to listen for God.

So, no conclusions about media fasting. No, I don't think I'm a bad person because I crave television. Yes, I definitely think there could be outside forces at work in this. Mostly I'm coming to a deeper understanding of the role of tv in my life. I'm hoping 10 days is enough to break my little addiction and let me be more intentional in my viewing in the future.


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