Staples - That was like brain surgery

So, for an upcoming event I need to have name tent cards. You know - the things that you put in front of you at a meeting with you name hastily scrawled on it. Then the speaker can see that you have a question, but is unable to decipher what you wrote, so calls you by the wrong name anyway? Or, the person next to you decorates with some cutesy happy face or something? Yes, them.

So, I go to Staples this morning to get a box. Easy, right? Well, getting the real thing is $23 for a box that doesn't even have enough for my event. Plus, they're half the size I want.

So, I get creative. I'll get a box of card stock and fold them myself. Easy right?

I look everywhere. No card stock. So, I flag down a sales associate and ask where I might find card stock. Here's a re-creation of that conversation:

Her: What is card stock?
Me: You know, like 90 pound paper?
Her: 90 pounds?
Me: You know, heavy cardboard paper?
Her: Cardboard paper?
Me: Like for report covers.
Her: Oh, we don't have any of that.
Me: You don't have any heavy paper?
Her: No, we don't carry that.
Me: Why don't you carry that?
Her: Because they don't make it anymore.
Me: Who's they?
Her: (clearly quite exasperated with me) They just don't.

End of conversation. I was quite proud of myself for not force feeding her one of those annoying "Easy Button" toys they were selling.

So, I come back to the office and go to staples.com to find card stock to prove they carry card stock. Search for "card stock". Nothing. Note cards. Photo paper. No card stock.

Now before I go any further I have to explain that I spent several hours yesterday listening to a speech by a senior Staples executive talking about the brilliance of "Staples - That's easy." as their new slogan and brand differentiation.

So, I check WB Mason. Can't order from there as an average person. Darn.
So, I check Michaels and Joanns. They have card stock, but it's all in cutesy colors or patterned. Not quite going to cut it.
So, I check Office Depot. They have it! Fantastic. Where's the closest store? 75 miles away. Okay, this is a problem.

Eventually I go back to Staples and decide to browse under paper. What's one of the categories?? "Card Stock". Under which they had (you guessed it), card stock. Now, why exactly would a search for "card stock" not retrieve an item titled "card stock"??

So, I print out the page and take it to Staples. "Oh," they say, "you mean card stock".

Seriously?!? Am I speaking a foreign language?

Staples - that was SOOOO not easy.

I hope everyone's happy with their name tent cards!